The End of an Era.

(Yes, I said the title of this post in Rachel Green's voice, the voice she used when moving out of her and Monica's apartment.)


I'm not even sure where to begin with this one. Until I get the words to write this post, I'll share with you what I wrote while riding the train on June 2, 2015. Maybe when I'm done retyping it, the words will appear. 


Today, I reached a breaking point.  
I'm letting go of the desire to attach my name to something greater than me, that something being my job at a respected, iconic organization. Instead, that "something greater" will now be me, and the life I choose to live beyond New York City.
And I am terrified.
But I'm ready to say goodbye to New York, bye to the routine I've created, goodbye to staring outside at the world, feeling like I'm trapped in a fishbowl, watching the world go by. I'd become so attached to what New York is supposed to be, not ready to accept that what New York is for me isn't the same as when I moved here almost 5 years ago. 
I refused to believe that this great city no longer supports the life I want for myself. 
I always said I'd leave when I think about the life I want and find that New York can't provide it. I always said I'd leave New York when this city stops taking my breath away.
Well, it has.
What now takes my breath away is the thought of living a life the way I envision it. What takes my breath away is the idea of money being the least of my concerns. Not clocking in to a 9-5. Being a full-time writer and becoming a freelancer again. Traveling the world. Cooking dinner, watching Netflix, and then waking up next to the one that I love. Spending my weekdays with my girlfriends, having wine night and regular mommy-daughter day dates.
New York can't provide that for me. 
I sat on the M train, crossing the Williamsburg bridge with tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was writing. I remember moments when I'd tell my mom that I'm never leaving NYC, that I absolutely love it here, and daydreaming with Michelle about how our lives would be as we (conveniently) got married and had kids at the same time, becoming marsupial moms living in a Brooklyn brownstone. I'm not sure what I imagined doing for money, but I knew I needed a lot to make my dream a reality here. 

Lately, though, something has shifted, and I'm noticing more and more what's important to me. I've made it a point to pay close attention to what makes me happiest. Over the past year, I've been happiest when I'm with my family, whether it's when I'm visiting them in Richmond or having them visit Derrick and I for dinner in DC. I'm happiest when I'm spending time in DC with Derrick, going to the gym and becoming regulars at restaurants, making friends with neighborhood bartenders. I'm happiest when I'm reunited with my best friends from college, snuggling and eating cereal in bed. I'm happiest when I think about exploring Richmond and falling in love with the very city I was raised in but know little about. In a nutshell, I'm happiest when I feel established, like I'm nurturing the relationships that mean the most to me. 


I simply can't feel established in New York, and I'm okay with that. New York has shaped me, has made me the woman I am. When I think about it, I've never lived as a real adult in any other city, so I know the transition will be a difficult one, but if this great, amazing city has taught me anything, it's to know what you want and go after it with fervency and confidence. I know that in this next chapter of my life, I'll be more driven and confident than ever before, thanks to both the beatings and embraces I've received from good ol' NYC.

So, what's next for me? 

I have a couple vacations planned, but one I'm particularly thrilled about is my backpacking trip across Europe. My best friend and I (the one I drove cross country with last year), recently bought one-way tickets to Amsterdam! Where we go from there, who knows. It's scary and exhilarating, and is exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to stop watching everyone live their lives and live my own, my way. When I return to the states, I'll get back to the business. 

I'm forever indebted to New York for introducing me to the best people who are now lifelong friends, business connections, role models, and future bridesmaids, all who have helped bring out the best in me by forcing me out of my comfort zone. Most of all, I'm forever indebted to New York for giving me the best (almost) 5 years of my life. 

This isn't "goodbye," it's 100%, without a doubt, "see you later."



(2013)

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(2015)

(2014....Jay & Bey concert!)


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(2011)


(2014)

(2015)

(2011)

(2014)

(2012)

(2015)

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(Random, but I'll miss you, Ft. Greene and Not Ray's Pizza...)

(2014)

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(2015)

(2013)

3 comments

  1. Its great that you are in pursuit of real happiness, and good that you've been able to come the realization about what you really desire. Best wishes with your goals!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cheers to new beginnings in your new town! Best of luck in Europe, too.

    ReplyDelete

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